Ginny and Harry

Is there any hope out there at all?

Okay, so I feel like that's all that anyone ever writes about on blogs. That they're depressed. I certainly don't write on these things very often. Though perhaps I will start - just to get my feelings out and to give me something  to do.

It's been a difficult transition since I finished college in January into the "real world." I am now back home with my parents, and while I love them to death, I'm used to being independent from them...but even more then that I'm used to having my friends around to hang out with them. Which is funny because this past semester (my last one of college), I didn't even really spend that much time with them (which I am now coming to regret). I, when I wasn't teaching, was on my computer reading, or playing video games or just being antisocial in general. And now, well, now I want my friends around me because I'm soo bored all the time when I'm not working. And I'm not teaching so there isn't much any more to distract me from being bored. At least, while grading papers and thinking constantly about lesson planning sucked in its own way, it kept me distracted and I was able to focus on something. Now it's like I have nothing to do and for a little while (like a month) it was really nice - now it just sucks.

That - and my "dating" life - which has always been pretty much non-existent - just sucks. As in...it's still pretty much non-existent. Which is okay - because it's kind of always been like that - but then when something does come along for once, and I get my hopes up - then it's like - well something always happens to take it away. It's super frustrating me. And I'm pretty sure it's just me...all in my head...or it's God's way of telling me I'm not ready. Which, with the way I'm struggling with things, He's probably right - I'm not ready. Or at least I'm not ready in His eyes. And I am struggling with some personal things. So - that's a given I guess.

And then, another thing that's got me depressed is the marriage-divorce rate that just seems to be showing up lately. And what I mean by that is that there are people in my life who are currently going thru divorce. And it's not even people MY AGE who it's happening to, but people have been married for 30 to 40 years! I mean COME ON PEOPLE! If you can make it to 30 years, why can't you work it out? For me that makes me feel like there is no hope for those who are just struggling at a year, or maybe even 5 years. These are my parents friends who have been married for as long as they have been married and they can't hold it together! And on top of that...All I ever see is my parents fighting! And this scares the SHIT out of me...because now they're friends are all getting divorced - and they're fighting a lot - so what the HELL is keeping them together. That's why I ask...is there even any HOPE at all for people my age in marriage...or for me or just anything - if people who have been married for 30 years can't keep it together.

Okay - I think I'm done ranting right now. I hope this depression goes away - or at least something happens with it. Oh - just one more thing on a totally other point...I am tired of Americans wanting handouts from the government. GET OFF YOUR FUCKING ASS AND DO THE WORK YOURSELF.  *sigh* the rest of that rant will be for another day I think. My wrist is starting to hurt.

~Sincerely, CodeRomance